she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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