Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize