I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
