are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
