I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
