do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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