I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize