So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My bed smells like the plague
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
