ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
