sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
