I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
