Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
