So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
