One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
