Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
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He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
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I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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