why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
