The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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