I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
