I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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