Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
