I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
