guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
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On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
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I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize