I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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