i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just want to make out with him forever
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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