This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
