Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
