He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
