just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
