Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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