Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He shit in the fireplace
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
