hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
