Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
