you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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