I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
