Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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