I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
