I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
