and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
