he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
