Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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