Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
