maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
