I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
