I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
sarcasm needs its own font
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
They left me at home... I'm a liability
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
