The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize