the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
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YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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