I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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