Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
