Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
