My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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