can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
