I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
