but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
