ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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