If that was your dad, he is hot
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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