I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
