I understand Curling. That high.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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