Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
