dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
