Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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