some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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