what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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