3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
