You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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