I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
