So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
