i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
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he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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