I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
