if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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