we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
