Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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