he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
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I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
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Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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