Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
