It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
