Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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