we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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