new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
