K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
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tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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