she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
