I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She needs sedatives and a leash
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
