Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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