she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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