Me too!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
