That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
