Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
