ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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