I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
wakey wakey hands off snakey
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
